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Sometimes, I think about giving this all up.

Yeah, that’s an overreaction.

It really sucks, because of how much I’ve put into it already. But what’s interesting is what I think about doing instead, which is usually programming for iOS (iPhone). I realized what’s appealing about that is the lack of judgement involved in a career like that vs. music. Sure, there is some, but not like we think of with music.

I also came to this realization from another direction. One of the things I’ve been learning about in my recent studies is music theory. I know quite a bit about it now (though I’m sure I’ve only scratched the surface). I find it very interesting and love digging into it. I also often tend to practice a lot of technical stuff even when I have more practical things I should be working on. The reason for both of these is that there is very little judgement in these activities.

What this all means for me is that I need to fight the fear of judgement. There are multiple aspects to this. One is to be detached from those judgements. We have to realize that our worth is not dependent on how well we do things. (I know some may disagree, but this is how I feel or try to feel about it.)

Dr. Wayne Dyer put it this way.

I am a human being, not a human doing. Don’t equate your self-worth with how well you do things in life. You aren’t what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don’t…you aren’t. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

There is also the more practical side of this. How often do people really tell you that you suck? Even when one person does, they’re usually drunk, and no one else agrees.

Lastly, we all need to be kind to ourselves, as Kenny Werner reminds us in his book. Beating yourself up because you messed something up doesn’t really help you. I mean, if you’re going to get anything out of it, do something about it and move on. At least, focus that energy into creating something positive instead of spending it dwelling on what you did wrong.

Posted 2011 10 03 at 9:00 AM

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